I woke up with this vague idea in my head that maybe I already have a mechanism for motivating myself — it’s just wrong. This has been floating around in my head all day. I’ve been reading that I need to redirect “negative” thoughts into something positive. When I find myself in the spiral of [...]
It’s laundry day, which means several hours of sitting around and occasionally paying attention to when I should check on the machines. It generally also means a sort of skanky feeling all day, as I wind up wearing things that are either unwashed or in some other way unfit for being seen in public. This [...]
D. and I talked for about seven hours last night. It was wonderful and awful. It was honest and beautiful and painful. But it felt right. She didn’t have to talk to me, but she did, and I’m glad. I learned something about her to not like, but I also learned more about her that [...]
D. invited me over to have dinner-and-hanging-outs with her and the JsB tonight. It was great… I was relaxed for most of the time, and it simply felt good. So why do I feel downright lousy now? The conversation wandered into being about sex, and it bothered me more than it had any reason to. [...]
I seem to have a crossed pointer somewhere. I met James about 16 or 17 years ago. He’s always been “James” to me. I hadn’t seen him in a long time, but upon running into him the last couple of years, I kept fumbling his name and calling him “Jim” by accident. I finally got [...]
I feel good. I’m not really accepting the just-being-friends thing yet, but I can accept that I will or won’t accept it at some point in the future. That sounds like bologna, but it makes sense on the inside. It’s not really work, or D., or the soon-to-be-ex that upset me anymore, but my own [...]
I had a great time last night, up until around 11:00 or so, I think. That’s about when all the BS in my head reached critical mass. I’ve spent most of the day since then sleeping. As tends to be the case, I got drunker than anticipated. Sent a bunch of super-whiny random text messages [...]