I was up around seven this morning. It’s just after noon, now, and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. There are things I want to do, but they all involve other people that just aren’t interested or don’t have the time. (I’m not blaming.) So I figured I’d take a shower and get [...]
This has been an educational week. Nashville isn’t as scary as I used to think. Cubicles are as awful as I imagined. Version control is neat. My anxiety and shyness levels are even higher than previously recognized. You can only have ten replacement social security cards in your lifetime, and only three per year. Code [...]
If this job continues, I will have to get an apartment elsewhere. This commute is remarkably unpleasant. I’m a long way from being accustomed to Nashville traffic anyway, but after four hours sleep? I don’t think so.
I’ve been doing a lot of driving (for me) the last few days, and I plan on doing a whole lot more in the near future. It’s given me a lot of time to be actively doing something and yet still able to think. I keep running into a bit of a mindlock on my [...]
I’m told repeatedly to just be myself. Who is that? What do I enjoy? Is it the things I do when I’m alone and bored? Those things are different from the things I like to do when I’m around other people. I prefer to be around other people. The things I do then, though, are [...]
I spent a couple hours browsing the local Books-a-Million. Just skimming, not buying. Looking at covers, glancing through tables-of-contents, and thinking. I spent most of my time wandering over the “Personal Growth” section. Addicted to Unhappiness. The Adult Child. When Am I Going To Be Happy? Complete Idiot’s Guide to Controlling Anxiety. It was full [...]
I’ve always viewed myself as harmless, and it’s disturbing to realize that others may not. I don’t wish to be (or be seen as) a threat to anyone. How did this start? For that matter, I don’t wish to be seen. In public, I find myself hiding in corners and behind plants and against walls–generally [...]
I’m reading this book again, “Feeling Good” by David Burns. I got bogged down the last time I tried reading it. It starts out as if he knows what’s going on inside my head, but it’s written in a way that makes me feel like a chump for believing it. In it is a short [...]
I’m hurt, and I’m angry, and I’m disappointed–and I know it’s all my fault. I’m not upset with her at all. I read things into her behavior that weren’t there. This last week was a whirlwind of anticipation and worry, pointlessly. I balanced a lot of things on her in my head, and I shouldn’t [...]
I think I’ve done more walking in the last ten days than I have in the previous three months. My calves are constantly reminding me of their presence. Wandered up to the square last night and today for the Cookeville Fall Fun Fest. It’s not a long walk, but it’s hilly and more than I’m [...]